Depending on how you look at it, I’m either blessed or cursed by a mind which constantly spins and whirs. By the time I try to settle down and go to sleep, I’m either running through song lyrics, the day’s happenings and the next day’s to-dos, or I’m deep in introspection.
Last night, it was the latter.
If asked to describe what attracts me most to people, it is passion. I gravitate to people who are incredibly passionate about their interests and pursuits, sometimes to an imbalance. I’ve dated people who play baseball, scuba dive, travel extensively and fly planes. My friends do it all – take last-minute surf trips to Costa Rica, camp, hike, do yoga, act, design apps and play guitar. Working with social media all day long, I am privy to the many experiences that my friends and acquaintances are having. And, honestly, my life feels a little too predictable, too quiet.
It feels like I’m not living it.
Somewhere along the way, I was taught that stability equals predictability. My whole life became focused on the “big picture” – and I stopped thinking about the individual days. I became afraid to try things that I thought I’d fail at and I lost the ability to dream big. I ruled out exploring places I wanted to visit – I didn’t have the money or someone to travel with. I didn’t pursue new activities or hobbies. I simply envied people from the outside – the fearless snowboarders, the dedicated marathoners and the ones who published their books.
My life had become a series of can’ts and won’ts.
I’m not sure I was ever an adventurous person. I’m pragmatic to a fault, though I can be spontaneous with the right company. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve talked myself of out so much that I no longer know how to talk myself into trying something.
Into dreaming big.
Into trying new things.
Into setting goals that aren’t tied to my “big picture.”
Being challenged by something that isn’t a requirement.
I just don’t know where to begin – I feel crazy saying that I don’t even know what I want to experience.
So here’s the question: hobbies to try, things to learn, places to travel to, goals to set – I’ll entertain all reasonable suggestions!