“I thought that if I didn’t go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn’t go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you”
– “Coffee and Cigarettes”
Michelle Featherstone

Back from vacation — day one of reentering reality.
Exiting reality and living in an altered vacation world for just four days made me happy. It made me happy and gave me a temporary sense of calm and clarity.
I wanted to change my life – I wanted to make big, sweeping changes when I returned, in hope of keeping the feeling alive that I had experienced while away.
I would be better with my money, as to get out of debt sooner and be back on my own feet. Being on my own would allow me more control of my own decisions, therefore ensuring my own happiness, or at least my control over it.
I would start eating better and get back to working out. There was a time when I ran every day – I had a sense of purpose to be training for something, and I remember feeling accomplished each time I completed a workout. I quit when J and I started dating. I have no idea why I never went back.
Something in these lyrics spoke to me – you quit something or change one specific thing in hopes of seeing a bigger result. The initial step seems easy…well, not necessarily easy, but small and quantifiable.
I once read that it takes just a few weeks to change a habit. How long does it take to change a way of life?
How long does it take until you wake up happy, accepting of what your life is giving you, and able to recognize the opportunities that await you?
Now that I am home, it seems like my ambition has faded. I want to make these changes; I want to watch my life explode into something great. It just seems harder to do when actual life presents itself, not the altered state of vacation-mind.

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