“Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. ”
– “Good Will Hunting”
Today I looked in the mirror just to check.
Something told me that I have a giant stamp on my head that says “Confused? Apply here!”, as the only people I attract in my world are the confused, the bewildered, and the ones looking for a direction.
I remember in high school, going on a date with what should have been a “great guy on paper” – he was smart, very attractive, and came from a well-off family. For years to come after this single date, my mom would refer to him as “the best looking guy I ever went out with”. He evidently left quite a mark on her in that three meeting meeting on my front stoop.
We went out to a local bar, had a few beers and watched Olympic swimming and diving (no idea why I remember this). The date was going great – we had so much to talk about and I was really enjoying his company.
Then the conversation took a sharp turn.
He devoted the remainder of our date discussing his ex, who he had just broken up with, and how much he missed her and what they had. I was dumbfounded, but me being me, I talked him through it.
This wouldn’t be the first time this would happen, as a matter of fact, it would be the first of many dates with guys who decided that I would make a good therapist.
My mom said that the next time I went on a date with a guy who brought up his ex in that fashion, I should tell him that I didn’t care. I never learned how to do that.
Years later, I met a guy who flew down to spend a weekend with me. We had a great weekend together, but a large portion of the conversation revolved around his future and the confusion he was experiencing in making life choices. I assumed my favorite dual role of cheerleader and therapist. I told him that he was smart, charismatic, and had a lot to offer to the world.
A week later, he e-mailed me saying that I helped him to believe in himself more than he had in a long time, and thanked me. Once he was able to believe in himself, he seemed to not need me anymore.
I have had many guys tell me the same thing – that my optimism and ability to listen enables people to look at themselves in a different way. I guess it’s a good thing, being able to inspire people and offer them the confidence to make life decisions.
On the other hand, I realized last night that I am tired of people who constantly want to use me as a sounding board. I’m tired of hearing about everyone’s exes that they’re still stuck on, and about why they don’t know what they want out of life. Because, it seems, as soon as I help them to figure it out, there is another girl waiting for the person I helped make complete.
I want someone who has it figured out. Not everything, because none of us do. I would be a complete hypocrite to say that I have life figured out. The thing is, I don’t mind encouraging someone; I don’t mind listening and helping someone through a tough time. But every once in awhile, I wish a guy would do the same for me.