While I will not reiterate my “people should have to take a class to use an umbrella in the City” rant, I will add another casualty to the list. I was walking under a scaffold this morning behind this roughly five foot tall garden gnome of a man. The elf in question was carrying an umbrella suitable only for shielding Diddy, or for professional golf. Clearly, neither reason fit his “needs” and he was walking aimlessly with it. He did not realize that the umbrella was, indeed, wider than the passage he was walking through. He managed to stop short, get stuck, and cause me to be impaled by the person behind me. Awesome.

Enough of the umbrella jackasses…we move on. Babytalk in public places. I was two seats away from a girl who spoke babytalk to her boyfriend, almost the whole way home…yes, almost an hour. “Yes, this is your IPod. Do you want your IPod, sweetie?” It was in this grating, nauseating babytalk voice that made me want to assail her with someone’s umbrella.

Last but not least, people who live in apartments should not cook food that will cause entire floors to smell. Especially when the smell can not be identified as a food, or even a cuisine, but rather as a “what the hell is that awful smell?!”

I think it’s time to call it a day…

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