“So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
‘Til I thought of what I’d say
Which connection I should cut”
– “Solsbury Hill”
Peter Gabriel

I knew all week that something had to be said, that things couldn’t keep going in the direction they were headed. Confusion breeds more confusion … eventually snowballing into complications that are difficult to back out of. I told myself that it was different – that there was more. But at the same time, I was only kidding myself. While there was indeed an undeniable connection and chemistry – all roads lead to the same place. It’s a place I have been before and told myself not to go back.

It’s hard to tell your mind what to do, and even harder to tell your heart what to do.

I have always had trouble removing people from my life, toxic or otherwise. It is almost harder to tell yourself to permanently let go, which infinitely keeps you from moving forward. As I convinced myself to let someone go, I had a random dream about an ex last night. While I know he is married and we have both more than definitely moved on, there was always a certain comfort in not fully letting go. I have been told that you can’t move forward until you remove everyone from your past. Whether this means deleting all the numbers from your phone and taking the e-mails out of your address book or never letting a fleeting thought become more than that, I’m not sure.

Today is the day that I will let someone go because I know it’s the right thing to do – for him, but more importantly for me.

Advertisements