“If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again”
– “Everlong”
Foo Fighters

I’ve officially confirmed something that I have always suspected – I’m incredibly jaded. I used to think that I had become cynical but had still retained some (blind) optimism. Now I’ve come to realize that I truly am jaded.

It becomes difficult to enjoy being present when you are afraid of what awaits ten steps ahead of you. While optimism is key, hoping for the best possible outcome, past experience tells you not to get your hopes up. You can see all that is good in what you have but you are essentially terrified of losing it … because that is what you have come to learn – the good ol’ self fulfilling prophecy.

How do you get past what your mind and heart have been conditioned and let yourself believe that something good could actually be happening? And not just that it could be happening, but that it could still be even better the next day or the week after?

How do you tell yourself not to see something negative that isn’t even there, just because you assume it has to be there? How do you regain the most fundamental feelings of not necessarily trust, but of having faith in people again?

I’m happy, but I’m scared … and I’ve yet to figure out how exactly to reconcile the two.