On Saturday, I joined some friends for a dim sum excursion in Flushing (quite an adventure for a person who eats as plainly as I do) and spent the afternoon in what could only be described as a dim sum coma. In other words, I happily camped out on the couch and pretty much didn’t move for the rest of the day. The worst part was that I didn’t even feel slightly guilty about it.
I began working my way through my DVR – I watched last week’s Glee episode (which will totally make you cry), last week’s Gossip Girl (which makes Chuck Bass look like a good guy, once again) and another episode of Gone too Far, featuring a really scary alcoholic girl from Middleofnowhere, Texas. Upon running out of television shows, I moved to movies. I watched The Departed (or more accurately, watched Matt Damon … the plot was secondary). My next selection was White Oleander.
I read “White Oleander” a number of years ago and to be honest, I barely remembered it when I started watching the movie. The plot is rather dark and kind of sad; to sum it up thematically, it’s primarily about abandonment. But there was a quote in the movie which stood out – “Don’t attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you’re lonely. Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself … know what you want.”
And that moment, in an otherwise wasted day on the couch provided me with clarity. It reminded me of something that I already knew but often forget.
We all know better. We just try to talk ourselves out of reason. Simply because we can.
And by the next day, it didn’t matter if it made sense. I no longer cared why or why not. I just knew that it didn’t matter anymore. And that was just fine.
“Go on and it won’t be too soon
You’re gone, you’re gone, are you waiting for somethin?
Go on cause I won’t be back soon ”
– “So Long”