“Oh it won’t rain all the time.
The sky won’t fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won’t fall forever.”
– “It Can’t Rain All the Time”
Jane Siberry

It’s just ten minutes. Not even ten minutes – but it’s cold and there is rain. The rain is steady, pounding on the hood of your jacket as the winter wind stings your face.

Car horns. It seems the car horns never stop. You remember what relative silence was like, when you lived somewhere that you could hear the waves and smell the ocean. The car horns create a feeling of anxiety and impatience, making you feel that you should be moving quicker, doing more. Eventually, the jarring sounds juxtapose as dull cacaphony. Some people thrive on the energy of the city – but you find it exhausting.

Your mind is fuzzy from the beer but it doesn’t stop you from thinking that you won’t sleep tonight. Because you never sleep – you haven’t for years. It is impossible to quiet the noise in your head, which isn’t much different than the car horns outside. Just white noise … not even a discernable list of things you could to accomplish to put your mind to rest.

Insomnia begets more anxiety. Simply realizing that you aren’t going to sleep makes you worry about the next day and what it brings. More noise, more uncertainty, more rain.

You know what is troubling you; you know what is weighing upon you. 

It seems like the rain never stops.

The cold rain feels like icicles on your hands. The sound surrounding you mixes discordantly with your disquieting thoughts and worries about what is to come tomorrow. The next day.

The ten minute walk feels like it has taken a hour.
 
“‘But it’s just rain,’ I smile
Brushing my tears away”
– “From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea”
The Cure

Advertisements